I worry. I worry a lot actually, or I used to. I believe I have started to worry less, but I am still worry wart. I am scared about the future. I worry about how we are going to make it. Are we going to have enough money to pay all our bills, are we going to ever be able to pay off our student loans, are we ever going to be in a stable place to start or family, are we going to be able to get a new car when that time comes? Life is hard and it stresses me out and so I worry and try to control it and have it go the way I WANT it to go. Does that ever work for you? I know it never does for me.
Here are some things that I had planned and didn't go the way I had planned.
1) I had it all planned out to graduate in Newton with my class, to go to my senior prom with my best friends and have the best summer of my life with my best friends before we all went off to college. Reality: I moved to Elk River, MN right before my senior year, only knew like 7 or 8 girls in my class of 420, graduated in front of all of them and only a handful of them knowing who I was.
2)Planned to go to Crown College and graduate in 4 years as an Elementary teacher. Reality: Did 3 years in the education program, realized I could teach if I had too, but didn't want too. I also met my future spouse and we were getting married, so I left Crown to become a wife and I didn't graduate, and now I still have know idea what I want to do.
Those are just a couple of instances where my plans did not go the way I planned them. But I look at them and I am glad that they didn't go the way that I planned them. God's plan has been way better for my life and I feel very blessed.
Jon and I listen to Matt Chandler a lot right now, and he is doing a series on Habakkuk. In one of the messages he was talking about how God is out of time. That although we may worry about tomorrow, God is already there, He knows what is going to happen because He is already there, so there is really no reason to worrry. How he put this into perspective for his listeners was by using a 1 hour block of time. Chandler said to think of a 1 hour TV show. Now you have a friend who just looks at the show for like 2 milliseconds, and then you sit and watch the whole show. Then your friend who watched a couple milliseconds of the show tries to tell you what they show is about but you know it isn't like that at all because you watched the WHOLE show. Now that is God. He knows the whole show, and we only know the 2 milliseconds of the show that we are here on earth for.
That hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I am trying to control my life, which in the grand scope of reality, is only a couple of milliseconds here on this earth. I am freaking out about money and cars and kids, when God is already in those future days knowing how it all turns out. It made me realized how insignificant I really am, but how blessed I am to follow and serve a God that Cares about my couple of milliseconds on earth and about my worries and has them all worked out down the road. I just need to trust Him and fully surrender my life to Him.
And that is what I am working on doing... It's a process, but that is what I want for my life! :)
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Francine Rivers
I am a big fan of Francine Rivers. I know this is probably a long shot and not really going to amount to anything, but hey it is worth a shot right?
So if you love books, check out this offer, She is a fantastic Author and worth having any of her work.
Go to http://www.tyndale.com/blog/?p
So if you love books, check out this offer, She is a fantastic Author and worth having any of her work.
Go to http://www.tyndale.com/blog/?p
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
MLFB
MLFB, which stands for Major League Fantasy Baseball... The league that my husband is a part of. There are times where I hate that he is so attached to this fantasy world, and that he spends more time with it somedays than me, but then there are other times where I don't mind it so much, Like this past weekend.
This past weekend was the fantasy baseball draft. Jon and his buddies have made it a tradition to get as many of the 20 people who are in the league together on this day as possible. To say the least, we drove to Minnesota for this splendid event! :)
Last year I was a little bored, but this year, as you can see from the above photo, I had company. Our friends, the Burkhart''s had a baby girl in February, and since they are both part of the league I had the privilege of babysitting :). This beautiful little snuggle bug slept on my the whole 2 hours of the draft. It was so sweet!
To say the least, it was a great weekend with friends. The only time I like fantasy baseball ;). It was a much needed weekend with friends, but it is always a bummer when you have to leave them, especially this time because Jon and I may move further away from them all and this may have been the last time to see everyone for a while. But I have learned to cherish these moments and to remember how much fun these times are and to not feel sad, because that never helps anyways :)
For as much as i gripe about MLFB, I am thankful for the friends that we have and the tool it is to keep us all connected! :)
Last year I was a little bored, but this year, as you can see from the above photo, I had company. Our friends, the Burkhart''s had a baby girl in February, and since they are both part of the league I had the privilege of babysitting :). This beautiful little snuggle bug slept on my the whole 2 hours of the draft. It was so sweet!
To say the least, it was a great weekend with friends. The only time I like fantasy baseball ;). It was a much needed weekend with friends, but it is always a bummer when you have to leave them, especially this time because Jon and I may move further away from them all and this may have been the last time to see everyone for a while. But I have learned to cherish these moments and to remember how much fun these times are and to not feel sad, because that never helps anyways :)
For as much as i gripe about MLFB, I am thankful for the friends that we have and the tool it is to keep us all connected! :)
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Sometimes I just want to be 10 again
Why as kids, do we always want to grow up so fast? Now that I am "grown up" I really don't want to be one. I really wish I could go back to being 10 again.
Life has not gone exactly the way I had pictured it would go for me, but I believe that is a good thing because that means I am not in control, but God is, and that is the way I want it to be. God has been teaching me plenty lately, and a lot of it I don't want to be taught :) but obviously I need to be taught it. Such as money and how we handle it, to my relationship with my mom, past grudges and holding on to things way too long, to how I cope with change in my life. So here it goes, this may be a long note.
Money: So God has been trying to get my attention for a long time here, but it has finally hit home. Jon and I haven't been the wisest with our money since we have gotten married. Not that we have spent super foolishly, but more we haven't paid things well. God has shown me that I haven't fully trusted Him in this area and I have kept tight reigns here and need to give it over fully to Him. That is going to be hard, but pray for me as I pray for God to help me give this up to Him.
My mom: I love my mom to death! I am her mini me. But growing up we weren't super close and I think I understand some aspects as to why we weren't. 1) She was sick with clinical depression when she had me and struggled with sleep issues so my dad got up a lot in the night to take care of me and I believe that could be a reason as to why our relationship struggled as I was growing up. 2) I am exactly like her. We both love to read, to be some where comfortable, we hate change, and cry a lot when we miss our family. I am my mother's daughter. After reading this two book saga from Francine Rivers (Marta's legacy) I have realized that I don't know all of my mom's story and want to know it and want to know more about her sickness when I was born. We are super close now, but I feel like I need to know more about her past to truly understand her better. So I am hoping that when we are together at Easter we will have time to talk about her life :).
Grudges: I tend to hold things in, and let it swell into bitterness and still not deal with it. I believe that is another area where God is teaching me. Today I met with a girl in my small group and I realized that I had been holding onto this grudge towards a previous small group leader since 9th grade!! Holy buckets was it eye opening in the moment. I came home and felt very strongly that I need to write this leader a message and ask for forgiveness. I still deal with bitterness towards what happened in MN, and I don't know why because I know I have forgiven those people and everything, but I get so nervous and skeptical of small church's. It is very unhealthy. Pray that God helps me to relinquish that to Him fully. I don't want to become this bitter old lady one day.
Change: So we are coming to an end of our internship. Part of me is really ready to start a new chapter and to see what God wants to teach us in this next step of life, and part of me hates that fact that God is going to make me start all over again. I was talking to my friend Thursday night, she is also a pastor's kid, and we both agreed that we have this unhealthy need for change that comes around every 2-5 years because that is the cycle of moving we had as PK's. We both realized that even though we long for stability and comfort, we have this unhealthy fear of being in one place too long and need the change of scenery. I also have noticed a pattern in my life that when I know change is coming, I shut people out early so I don't feel the pain of loss so strongly when the time for change comes. I wanted to do things differently in the end of this internship, but old habit's die hard. Please pray that I can finish strong here and not shut people out like I am so used to doing.
To say that least, I am growing up. I love that I am married and can spend the rest of my life with my best friend, but there are days that if I was given the opportunity to go back and be ten forever I would do it in a heart beat. Life isn't easy. I am learning that first hand. But with God's help and guidance I know I will survive this life and Live for eternity with Him in Heaven!
Life has not gone exactly the way I had pictured it would go for me, but I believe that is a good thing because that means I am not in control, but God is, and that is the way I want it to be. God has been teaching me plenty lately, and a lot of it I don't want to be taught :) but obviously I need to be taught it. Such as money and how we handle it, to my relationship with my mom, past grudges and holding on to things way too long, to how I cope with change in my life. So here it goes, this may be a long note.
Money: So God has been trying to get my attention for a long time here, but it has finally hit home. Jon and I haven't been the wisest with our money since we have gotten married. Not that we have spent super foolishly, but more we haven't paid things well. God has shown me that I haven't fully trusted Him in this area and I have kept tight reigns here and need to give it over fully to Him. That is going to be hard, but pray for me as I pray for God to help me give this up to Him.
My mom: I love my mom to death! I am her mini me. But growing up we weren't super close and I think I understand some aspects as to why we weren't. 1) She was sick with clinical depression when she had me and struggled with sleep issues so my dad got up a lot in the night to take care of me and I believe that could be a reason as to why our relationship struggled as I was growing up. 2) I am exactly like her. We both love to read, to be some where comfortable, we hate change, and cry a lot when we miss our family. I am my mother's daughter. After reading this two book saga from Francine Rivers (Marta's legacy) I have realized that I don't know all of my mom's story and want to know it and want to know more about her sickness when I was born. We are super close now, but I feel like I need to know more about her past to truly understand her better. So I am hoping that when we are together at Easter we will have time to talk about her life :).
Grudges: I tend to hold things in, and let it swell into bitterness and still not deal with it. I believe that is another area where God is teaching me. Today I met with a girl in my small group and I realized that I had been holding onto this grudge towards a previous small group leader since 9th grade!! Holy buckets was it eye opening in the moment. I came home and felt very strongly that I need to write this leader a message and ask for forgiveness. I still deal with bitterness towards what happened in MN, and I don't know why because I know I have forgiven those people and everything, but I get so nervous and skeptical of small church's. It is very unhealthy. Pray that God helps me to relinquish that to Him fully. I don't want to become this bitter old lady one day.
Change: So we are coming to an end of our internship. Part of me is really ready to start a new chapter and to see what God wants to teach us in this next step of life, and part of me hates that fact that God is going to make me start all over again. I was talking to my friend Thursday night, she is also a pastor's kid, and we both agreed that we have this unhealthy need for change that comes around every 2-5 years because that is the cycle of moving we had as PK's. We both realized that even though we long for stability and comfort, we have this unhealthy fear of being in one place too long and need the change of scenery. I also have noticed a pattern in my life that when I know change is coming, I shut people out early so I don't feel the pain of loss so strongly when the time for change comes. I wanted to do things differently in the end of this internship, but old habit's die hard. Please pray that I can finish strong here and not shut people out like I am so used to doing.
To say that least, I am growing up. I love that I am married and can spend the rest of my life with my best friend, but there are days that if I was given the opportunity to go back and be ten forever I would do it in a heart beat. Life isn't easy. I am learning that first hand. But with God's help and guidance I know I will survive this life and Live for eternity with Him in Heaven!
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