For the Worry Wart

I worry. I worry a lot actually, or I used to. I believe I have started to worry less, but I am still worry wart. I am scared about the future. I worry about how we are going to make it. Are we going to have enough money to pay all our bills, are we going to ever be able to pay off our student loans, are we ever going to be in a stable place to start or family, are we going to be able to get a new car when that time comes? Life is hard and it stresses me out and so I worry and try to control it and have it go the way I WANT it to go. Does that ever work for you? I know it never does for me.

Here are some things that I had planned and didn't go the way I had planned.
1) I had it all planned out to graduate in Newton with my class, to go to my senior prom with my best friends and have the best summer of my life with my best friends before we all went off to college. Reality: I moved to Elk River, MN right before my senior year, only knew like 7 or 8 girls in my class of 420, graduated in front of all of them and only a handful of them knowing who I was.

2)Planned to go to Crown College and graduate in 4 years as an Elementary teacher. Reality: Did 3 years in the education program, realized I could teach if I had too, but didn't want too. I also met my future spouse and we were getting married, so I left Crown to become a wife and I didn't graduate, and now I still have know idea what I want to do.

Those are just a couple of instances where my plans did not go the way I planned them. But I look at them and I am glad that they didn't go the way that I planned them. God's plan has been way better for my life and I feel very blessed.

Jon and I listen to Matt Chandler a lot right now, and he is doing a series on Habakkuk. In one of the messages he was talking about how God is out of time. That although we may worry about tomorrow, God is already there, He knows what is going to happen because He is already there, so there is really no reason to worrry. How he put this into perspective for his listeners was by using a 1 hour block of time. Chandler said to think of a 1 hour TV show. Now you have a friend who just looks at the show for like 2 milliseconds, and then you sit and watch the whole show. Then your friend who watched a couple milliseconds of the show tries to tell you what they show is about but you know it isn't like that at all because you watched the WHOLE show. Now that is God. He knows the whole show, and we only know the 2 milliseconds of the show that we are here on earth for.

That hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I am trying to control my life, which in the grand scope of reality, is only a couple of milliseconds here on this earth. I am freaking out about money and cars and kids, when God is already in those future days knowing how it all turns out. It made me realized how insignificant I really am, but how blessed I am to follow and serve a God that Cares about my couple of milliseconds on earth and about my worries and has them all worked out down the road. I just need to trust Him and fully surrender my life to Him.

And that is what I am working on doing... It's a process, but that is what I want for my life! :)