Caught in a Monsoon

Literally caught in the middle of a torrential downpour, But at times I have felt like I was caught in a downpour = very sad and lonely.
But I don't feel that today. Today was actually a really good day. My hubby and I got free tickets to an Omaha Royals game, granted they really aren't that expensive to begin with, but it made for a nice night out, until the rain came! And boy did it come. It was really cool to see it under the lights though, not a way you get to enjoy the rain very often.
So I feel like I have a lot of decisions to make but don't know what they are about or what they will call me to do. My husband and I are in the middle of his internship at CCC as the College intern. We get paid crap and I personally don't really understand why we are here still when we really need money. But at the same time, God keeps providing for us in little ways that pretty much are saying this is where we are meant to be. I don't get it. But we are looking and praying about and for our future. I feel like we have so many different directions we could go, but no clear answer as to where to go that I feel confused, and I hate that feeling!

I am a planner. I like to plan out things and no what is going to happen when, but God keeps showing me that I can't plan things, which makes me feel like a loose canon. I don't do well when I don't have control. I guess maybe that is why I keep thinking back to that almost wreck my husband and I were in. I just told him tonight that I don't think I ever felt scared while it was happening, but more a loss of control and no idea what was going to happen.

That's how I feel at the moment. I am spinning in every direction down the interstate with cars coming at me, but not coming close to me, not know what is going to happen. It's a scary feeling when you think about it, but I'm in the moment and I feel a loss of control. I guess that means I need to seek God more and trust him more. I know that He loves me and would never keep me in a place that wasn't for our, more His, benefit, but at this very moment I feel like I am spinning.

What do I do? Sometimes I feel like no matter how much and how fervent I am in my prayers and coming before God it is never enough. A lot of times I feel like that little child scream and dancing and pulling on her daddy's shirt sleeves trying to get attention, but always over looked. I want to be heard! And I know I am, and I know God remains silent for a reason, but I want answers; I want direction; I want the writing on the wall to list plainly what I am supposed to do and where I am supposed to be.

I guess I am in a monsoon... I'm in a downpour of confusion and uneasiness and desperation. GOD I AM CRYING OUT TO YOU! I NEED YOU MORE THAN EVER. GIVE ME DIRECTION. SHOW US/ME WHERE YOU ARE TAKING US. I need you Lord!